I watched an interview this week that had me leaning in, just waiting for something to land.
You know that feeling when everything is in place? The host is good. The topic is solid and one you’re genuinely interested in. The guest has the bio, the book, the credentials. On paper, it looks like a great use of your time, and you’re looking forward to what is coming.
And yet, minute after minute, you keep waiting for the hook. That’s what happened to me during this particular interview. I waited for the moment. The sentence I wanted to underline. The clean, clear idea that made the time set aside for this a good decision. Yes. This is why I stopped to listen to this interview.
But it never came. My mind kept listening for it, waiting, looking for it, and instead it was just a lot of words circling…never landing.
This wasn’t because the guest wasn’t smart, or kind, or because she hadn’t done her homework in the usual way. It was something way more subtle than that.
She was hoping.
She was hoping the host would ask the right question. She was hoping the conversation would naturally wander into her best material. She was hoping the big takeaway would just appear on its own if she stayed in it long enough.
I understand this. Many people do not want to come across as if they’re trying to dominate the conversation, so they wait. They listen. They respond. They try to be agreeable and “easy.”
But interviews do not reward hoping.
They reward clarity.
Here is what I watched happen, and once you see it, you cannot unsee it.
The host started doing all the heavy lifting.
He named the point for her. He summarized what he thought she was trying to say. He framed the distinctions. He kept trying to shape the conversation into something the audience could actually hold onto. It was exhausting for me as the listener. One can imagine how the host felt. Exhausted.
And she kept answering all his questions earnestly, thoughtfully, and politely.
But she stayed in response mode instead of getting into leadership mode.
And this is the key thing. In fact, it’s one of the most common reasons smart people come across as weak in interviews. It’s not because they have nothing to say. It’s because they are waiting to be led into their best material. They’re waiting and hoping the host will ask them the right questions. Bad idea.
Here’s the problem with that strategy.
The host cannot read your mind. Even a great host is not your message architect.
You see, the host’s job is to open doors.
Your job is to choose the right door and walk through it.
Also, this is where I want to tell you something no media person is ever going to tell you.
You lead the interview.
Not in the sense that you take over or ignore the host. And yes, the host has the power to end an interview. That part is always true.
But you have far more power than you realize in how the interview is directed, where it goes next, and what the audience leaves with.
Think of an interview like a dance. It takes two.
The host leads, you lead, and you take turns. The best interviews have a rhythm to them. The host sets you up, and you bring it home. The host opens the space, and you fill it with something real. The host asks, and you answer, then you bridge, and you steer.
When you don’t, the audience feels it.
They feel the drift.
They feel the extra words.
They feel the missing center.
It feels bad, and this is not the feeling you want to be giving those who take time to listen to your interview.
They may not be able to explain what’s off, but they know that nothing is landing.
And if nothing lands, nothing travels. No quote gets repeated. The interview isn’t shared or “liked.” No insight gets texted to a friend. No one finishes thinking, “I need that book,” or “I want to work with her,” or “that changed how I see this.”
They just move on to the next thing. Maybe even a little perturbed if they felt they wasted their time.
What struck me most is how often this happens with talented authors who are genuinely good people. They treat the interview like a polite conversation instead of a moment of leadership. They show up as a passive guest, not as a guide.
And in the age of AI, this matters more than ever, because information is everywhere now. Advice is cheap and explanations are on demand. The one thing AI cannot do is provide connection. And connection is everything.
What people are hungry for is the person who can make something clear, memorable, and true in real time. It doesn’t have to be a perfect performance or a scripted monologue. It just needs to be a real, strong moment that carries energy and meaning.
You want one sentence that holds the room. You want to make one distinction that makes others sit up and pay attention. Have one story that makes your idea real.
Media Darling Moment: Do not attend an interview like a passenger. Show up like someone who brought the map.
Because if you do not bring the map, the host will try to draw one for you, live, on air.
Sometimes they can do it, but often they can’t. And even if they can, it will not be your best map, it will not sound like you. It will not build the authority you came for.
Bottom line
This week, if you have an interview coming up, consider this your gentle nudge from your friendly neighborhood publicist: Do not hope you’ll be asked the right questions.
Decide what you want to land, what your key message is, and bring it home. You got this.
P.S. If you’ve ever listened to yourself afterward and thought, “I said a lot… but I’m not exactly sure what it was,” you are not alone. That’s not a personality issue. It’s a messaging issue. And it can be fixed fast. That’s why I’m here. Let me know if you need help.
P.P.S. We’re only human, and we can always evolve and be better.
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