A few months ago, I clicked on a podcast interview with an author I genuinely wanted to hear. The host asked a friendly, normal question, “What led you to write this book?”
And the guest started with a story that felt honest and human. I leaned in.
Then the story went personal. OK, that’s interesting…
Then it went private. Um…where is this going?
Then it went so intimate, so fast, that I found myself listening the way you listen when you’re trapped in a conversation at a party and you cannot find the exit without being rude. Of course, clicking off is not difficult, but I wanted to stick around to see what happened. I am a publicist and media trainer, after all.
It wasn’t just that the guest had been through something difficult. Plenty of authors have been through very challenging times. Many of the best stories come from real life.
But oversharing is oversharing. Too much is too much. The listener/viewer did not sign up for a full emotional disclosure, and that can make people click off.
Not because the guest is “too much,” but because the guest forgot the assignment.
In media, your personal story is not the whole point. Your story is the bridge, and that bridge has got to go somewhere.
And this is the part no one says out loud. A podcast or TV segment is not the place to process your pain in real time. You want to have already done that, so you can tell your story with clarity.
Media, you see, is a service. Your story is there to create connection, credibility, and stakes, then hand something useful to the audience. That is really it.
If the story starts serving you more than it serves them, you are drifting into oversharing.
And oversharing almost always has a hangover.
Hours later, the guest is replaying it in their head thinking, “Why did I say that?”
The host has moved on. The internet has not.
Media Darling Moment: Be authentic, not unfiltered. Reveal, then lead.
Here’s the distinction that is critical to make:
Sharing is when your story creates trust and clarity, and it lands a takeaway.
Oversharing is when the story becomes a spill. It’s too detailed, it’s too raw, it’s too uncontained, it’s too emotional. It starts sounding like a private conversation held in public. It’s too much.
But here’s the thing. You can bring heart without giving away the farm, and that is the skill one must learn. Not sharing enough is also a problem, but we’ll save that for another day.
Here is the boundary framework to keep in mind: You want to reveal and then lead.
When in doubt, you can use this simple structure:
1) Reveal (just enough)
Share one true moment from your story that makes you human.
2) Define (what it meant)
Name the insight or shift. This is where your authority shows up.
3) Lead (what the audience can do)
Hand them the next step they can take. It’s called the takeaway. When someone hears your interview, what can they immediately walk away with?
This keeps the story purposeful and protects you from wandering into the weeds, because – let’s face it. We all know when someone overshares. We want to escape. It’s uncomfortable. It might even be embarrassing.
Some authors and experts get tripped up because they believe the emotional weight is in the details. Emotional weight is important, but the real weight is in what was at risk, what changed, and what it cost.
You can say:
“I was terrified of what would happen if I did nothing.”
“It nearly broke my confidence.”
“It changed how I saw myself.”
“That was the moment I realized I needed a new way forward.”
Notice what those lines do. They definitely carry emotion, but they do not invite the audience into your private file cabinet.
So if one is learning this distinction, how do you know you’re getting close to oversharing?
Here are some hints. You are approaching the line when:
- You feel an urgent need to explain yourself
- Your voice speeds up, like you are trying to get it out before you reconsider
- You start naming people who did not consent to being in your story
- You add details that are not necessary to your point
- You feel yourself emotionally dropping and losing your footing
- You hear yourself think, “Should I say this?” and you say it anyway
That last one is the giveaway. When you feel it starting to happen, you can pivot smoothly and still sound warm using this rescue line…
“Let me keep this at the level that’s useful for your audience.”
Or:
“I’ll spare you the whole saga, but here’s what makes the difference.”
Or:
“The important part is what I learned from it.”
Then immediately deliver the insight and the takeaway because that is how you stay human and stay in control because that is how you share your story and keep yourself from oversharing.
Bottom line
Your story is powerful and you want to use it, but power is not the same as exposure. You can be honest, emotional, and real, while still choosing boundaries. Depth does not require disclosure.
Sometimes the most compelling thing you can do is reveal just enough to build trust, and then lead.
That is how a Media Darling does it.
To your success!
Joanne
P.S. My Media Training with the Nonfiction Authors Association begins Tuesday, April 7, at 1:00 p.m. Eastern, 10:00 a.m. Pacific, and yes, it will be recorded. If you want to feel confident sharing your personal story in a way that is compelling, contained, and unforgettable, join me here.
P.P.S. Share your story, but hold onto your boundaries.
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