A couple of years ago, a client of mine—we’ll call her Lisa—was thrilled when her book started receiving reviews. Most of them were glowing. Readers praised her insights, loved her writing, and shared how much the book helped them. Everything we authors love!
But then, there was that one review.
When you read it, it wasn’t even a bad review—it was mostly positive. The reader said they enjoyed the book. But buried in the praise was a single line:
“She rambles a bit.”
That was it. One small critique in an otherwise great review.
But that’s the line her mind latched onto and she simply could not let it go. Every time we spoke it came up, and she was suffering because of it, and it only seemed to get worse.
Instead of celebrating the success of her book and the overwhelmingly positive feedback, not to mention all the wonderful interviews she was doing, Lisa spiraled. She questioned her writing, re-read sections of her book, and even started second-guessing how she spoke in interviews.
For an entire week, she carried that one comment with her, letting it overshadow all the good. Now before you start thinking, “Well, maybe Lisa is just a little bit crazy,” it is not the only time I have seen this happen. It’s actually more common than you might think.
In fact, maybe it sounds a bit familiar?
It can happen to anyone. Sometimes it happens simply because of the state of mind you were in when you initially read the review. But the question is: how can we put a stop to such harmful mind chatter?
If you’re an author—or anyone putting yourself out there—it’s easy to fall into the trap of focusing on the one negative thing instead of the many positives. But if you let every minor critique shake you, you’ll never enjoy the success you are having. We all have to create a thicker skin and learn to let some things just roll off our backs.
Easier said than done, perhaps, but it’s necessary, particularly in this day and age when anyone can comment on anything, whether they’re informed or not.
So, how do we tune out the negative?
Let me back up just one step and mention that the very first thing we must do is understand the difference between negativity and feedback. Some feedback seems negative, but it really can be helpful, so look for that first because we can learn from that. Then . . .
If you know it’s just negative with nothing constructive about it, then try the following:
1. Remember to Recognize the Negativity Bias
We all have it whether we know it or not. Our brains are wired to focus on criticism more than praise—it’s a survival instinct. But in the modern world, this instinct is often misdirected and is simply not necessary. An unhelpful comment about your book is not the same as a saber-toothed tiger coming at you (although it can feel like it).
- Try doing something called reframing: If 99 people love your book and 1 person doesn’t, that’s a win. Focus on the 99. You’re not here to please everyone.
- Ask yourself this great question: Would I take advice from this person? If not, then don’t give their opinion so much weight. Who cares what they think?
2. Watch Your Emotions, and Don’t Engage
When we take criticism personally, we give it power over us. Instead:
- Do something as simple as pausing before reacting. If a negative review stings, step away for a few hours—or days—before thinking about it again. Do something else. Change your focus.
- Detach from the emotion. Pretend you are someone else and read the words like an observer, not the author. This can help you see it more objectively.
3. Limit Your Exposure
I love this one. If you’re constantly checking reviews or comments, well, that’s like pressing on a sore tooth just to see if it still hurts. (It does! Go to the dentist!)
- Set some boundaries for yourself: Check reviews once a week or less. Or not at all. No one says you have to. Have your publicist or significant other check for you. They can read you the positive ones and skip the negative comments!
- Have a buffer: If a negative review shakes you, read three positive ones immediately after.
And you know what? Success really is the best revenge. Carry on. Keep writing. Keep doing interviews. Keep sharing your message.
Bottom line: Your mission is bigger than one stray comment. So next time negativity creeps in, take a deep breath—and shake it off!
To your success!
Joanne
P.S. Another powerful Media Training Course for Authors and Experts is coming up through the Nonfiction Authors Association! Here is a special deal for Savvy Sunday Community members. Come join me! It’s going to be fun!
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